Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Rules

In the far reaches of the world, they have discovered in a vault the following document.... The Sacred Men Rules. And we women thought we ruled the world. Ha! Look at what we are up against.


1. Men are NOT mind readers
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle,besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Having to sleep on the couch..... did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping


Melody said...

I felt...oh so enlightened...after reading this. HAHA

FunkyB said...

I've seen this in the past, but I always re-read it each time it crops up. I think it's important that we remember how truly difficult WE are to live with!

lime said...

this is so true it's scary

ccw said...


Beth said...

I just don't like being called a "big girl" ... has such negative side effects. ;)

Carmel said...

Each one is number one! LOL It's so true, isn't it?

Heather said...

Hee hee hee...I needed another laugh this Monday a.m.!

Locusx1y2 said...

I don't get it? what's the fuss about?

melodyann said...

Why is it we need men, again?