Friday, October 21, 2005

Unsuspecting.... it got me again!

I should have known better. Yes, I should have. The air is crisper and cleaner.... prime low humidity air. My allergies have been full-blown, my skin is loosing that plump, hydrated look... I should have known it was just a matter of time. Still, as I slid across the truck seat, I didn't give it a thought. Why should I? I haven't had a visit from it in months. I was lax. I had forgotten. I grabbed the paperwork I was reaching for out of the truck and slid back across the cloth seat. I was ready... without realizing it. I reached for the door before stepping on the floor and WHAM! Holy fuck, the sparks flew as I received my first static charge of the season. Oh, I had forgotten how much I hate that WHAP noise as a bolt of static electricity shocks the shit out of me. Now for the rest of the year and until the humidity comes back sometime in 2006.... I will have dry skin, fly away hair and lots of shocks to deal with.

Today, I have therapy. I'm so torn about whether or not I should keep going. When the time comes to go, I hate going. I hate having questions asked that I don't want to answer or don't know how to answer. Sometimes, when my hour starts I just sit there and don't' say anything. The therapist doesn't say anything either. The silence gets bigger and bigger.... I start to squirm in my seat... I feel so uncomfortable. Then she might ask... "How are you doing?" and I say "Good. I'm doing good". And then the silence again as if she's waiting for me to start talking. I frantically search my mind for something to tell her other than "Good... I'm doing good" because what if she's thinking... "then why are you here?". I don't know what happens. She might ask me another question and before I know it, by the end of my hour, I am talking up a storm... wondering where the hour went to? I think I might tell her that I am going to stop for awhile and see how it goes. I can always call to set up something if I feel the need to.

After the adoption, I was so glad to have my medication and therapy. I know the combination of the two helped me so much. I went to therapy every week . I had to. I could barely function. Work was so stressful. The company I worked for had just been sold. Gary had resigned form his job and started his own company. I was on the threshold of sanity with losing my daughter. It was overwhelming. I reached out to my therapist like a drowning person and she helped me. She helped me sort out all the feelings I had and taught me coping skills to use when I start to feel out of control. She explained to me that living for long periods of time under high stress causes your body and mind to adapt and learn to survive under those conditions. When the stress is taken away... the body and mind needs to re-learn how to function. It's been almost 4 years and I'm ready to try on my own. I still take a maintenance dose of medication. I tried weaning off completely and wasn't able to. It's ok. I am ok with that.

On the agenda for the weekend is not a whole lot of anything. Gary is fishing both days and Hannah has a birthday party tomorrow afternoon to attend. We are going out to dinner tonight to Lords Harborside. They are a customer of ours and are closing for the season next week.

I've got a new quilt project I'm working on. It's called Crazy For You and is going to be sashed in Prairie Braid. I think it's going to be wonderful! Here's a picture of the Crazy For You part done so far:

6 comments:

Melody said...

The quilt looks like it will be spectacular, I really wish that I did something like that. I don't even sew on buttons unless it's a necessity. I think you should go with your gut on the thereapy thing. Although if the decision is really stressing you out maybe it's not the right time to make the change. Winter is always hard on me, emotionally, I think it's a combination of NO SUN, the holidays with so many missing family members and the very short days. I've even started tanning in the winters to try and keep my spirits up...you should give it a try. Luvs to you. ME

Sue said...

AWESOME!!!!!!!

Chicka said...

Sheri, you have described every session I have ever had to the T.

Tatiana said...

I hope working with the quilt beats the stress.
Hugs

Julie said...

good post Sheri...and I agree with Melody on this one...if you are having trouble deciding whether or not to quit maybe you should give it some more time...Winter and the holidays can be stressful and you just might need a good session. But it's what you feel in your heart that matters. If and when you are ready to take a break you'll know.
This Quilt is absolutely beautiful. I would like to try my hand at one so I can give it to Kristen when she leaves home. I'm a little chicken to try though. Maybe somedy I'll get up the nerve!
Luv to you Babe...

Sandi said...

In my world, when it gets uncomfortable at the Therapist then something is going right. Work through it you may be suprised with what your mind wants to deal with.
Love the quilt, I don't have the patience for patterns. Cross stitch is all the sewing I can take. LOL