Thursday, December 15, 2005

April Showers

Most of you all must think that all I do is bitch about men. Oh well...... it's my week so I guess we'll just have to deal with it....mmmmm......'kay? Plus... I can't help it.

A friend of mine posted this and it really struck a funnybone with me. I'm not saying all of this is true.... but at my house... it's pretty damn close!

How To Shower Like a Woman:

  • Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
  • Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
  • Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc...
  • Get in the shower and use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
  • Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo complete with 43 added vitamins.
  • Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
  • Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.
  • Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
  • Rinse conditioner off hair.
  • Shave armpits and legs.
  • Turn off shower and squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
  • Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.
  • Dry with towel the size of a small country.
  • Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
  • Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
  • If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

  • Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on floor.
  • Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
  • Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
  • Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
  • Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
  • Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
  • Pee.
  • Rinse off and get out of shower.
  • Avoid bathmat. Dry off forearms and butt only. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
  • Suck in stomach, puff up chest and admire wiener size in mirror again
  • Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
  • Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
  • Throw wet towel on bed

Now.... come on .... admit it....I'm NOT making this up am I?


ccw said...

Not quite my house, bur pretty close.

I love the "shake weiner and make woo-woo sound". I was laughing at loud.

Melody said...

I don't remember you being at my house when hubby dear showered....hmmmmmm. LMFAO

Julie said...

Darlin' I laughed my ass off the entire way through that. You wouldn't believe how entirely true it is in my house! Thanks for the side splitter...with the stress of the holidays upon us, we all need it! Luvs Sheri! And Keep them coming our way!

FunkyB said...

No -- the shaking of the weiner... so true. Hee hee.

Sleeping Mommy said...

Sounds like my husband almost to a T.

Stephany said...

ROFLMAO!!!! I haven't laughed like this for a long time. Dan is looking at me like what the hell is going on over there. The suck in the stomach and puff up the chest thing sounds just like him!!! What am I saying the whole damn thing sounds just like This one was great.

Miracles & Dreams said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Miracles & Dreams said...

LOL, now that is funny and some of it so true. lol


lime said...

LMAO!!!!! I am glad to say I am really not that girly but it was funny as all get out.

Heather said...

Tooo funny. And soooo true!!

Mike Todd said...


Tatiana said...

Very FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lauren said...

I agree with lime that I'm not THAT girlie. I don't use forty-two kinds of scents and my hair's really short, so I don't wrap it in a towel. I also don't wrap myself in a bath robe -- but then I don't have kids. If I did, I probably would.

The male side of things, however, sounds so much like XH that I laughed out loud. Woo-woo indeed. LOL