Wednesday, July 12, 2006


The other day I saw a turtle on the side of the road.... dead.... with it's shell cracked and dried out. How does a person hit a turtle while driving? You can see them in the road well before you're upon them. "Jeez, officer.... he shot out of nowhere. " I mean, seriously, I've had the bejeezus scared out of me by a deer jumping in front of my car or a chicken or two run across the road and my favorite are those chipmunks that go blazing across my lane, only to stop and start to dart back. .... but never a turtle.

Gary had me laughing my ass off most of the day yesterday because he ate a bunch of spicy stuff and then going to the bathroom hurt and burned. He was walking funny and kept saying his butt hurt. The kicker was when he said to me... "For Christ sakes, hopefully when I wake up tomorrow my asshole will have decided to go back inside because it sure is turned inside out right now!" Yes, I busted a gut laughing. He never has any sympathy for me(so he says!) when I'm hurting unless there is the possibility of stitches.

Case in point..... A few years ago, he and I were replacing the subfloor at the family cottage which had rotted in a few spots. Under the cottage, which was built on pilons, it was open to the dirt floor about 4 feet below. I was walking across the floor, turning to speak to Gary over my left shoulder when suddenly my left knee hit me in the leftside of my face. My first thought was "Why is my chin on the floor?" and my right leg was down in the abyss under the cottage. I had stepped down with my right foot and the floor was gone. It wasn't a slow thing... it happened so fast I didn't feel a thing but I did a split. Me - the most un-limber person EVER just did a complete split in a fraction of a second. It scared the shit out of Gary because he thought I broke my hip. "Don't move!" he screams at me. "I'm ok, Gary,' I say "just shaken. Help me out of here." He helped me up and I was ok, nothing broken. I had the biggest, baddest bruise I have ever seen down my entire side of my right thigh and the next day I was very sore from doing a split.

He cared. He cared alot.


Sue said...

I remember that, it was so bad! I never saw such a big bruise, you were lucky you didn't break something. I tried calling you back, but you're out running the roads somewhere!

Larry said...

OK, I'll admit it. Yes, I've nailed a turtle before. I was going too fast and didn't have time to swerve without wrecking my car. I'm a bad person. I know.

I have never fallen through a floor that I know of, but I did fall 30 feet out of a giant pine tree. If not for smacking my arms and legs all the way down, I probably would have cracked my head on a rock.

Heather said...

Lol on Gary. I would have laughed my ass off too (no pun intended!)

And man, that fall sounds AWFUL. Ouch.

lime said...

oh big ouch on going thru the floor! i can see the position and ouch! i have to say the inside out asshole comment was pretty friggin funny!

ccw said...

I hope Gary's asshole has righted itself. That is so funny!

Ouch on your leg. That sounds so painful. Glad Gary had compassion. Last time I fell down the stairs (while hugely pregnant) Mr. MFBA stared at me lying on the floor.

Beth said...

OK, the asshole thing is hysterical. My husband finds any type of physical pain to be a riot. The more screwed up you land, the funnier it is. Blech.