Have you seen the UPS commercial when the end brings the question..."What Can Brown Do For You?"
Well... I've got one answer for starters.
Dear Mr. UPS,
Thank you for making my delivery promptly! I truly appreciate the fact that you felt obligated to keep my package at the front of the truck (as displayed by the obvious numerous drop-kicks the package received). And I'm glad it came in handy to use as your personal stepstool when your short self was trying to reach the top shelf in your brown truck. What I'm truly glad of is the fact that the package only contained a ball cap and not something that King Gary received broken. Otherwise, his foot might be up your ass.
Again, thank you for your great service!