I had the most amazing day today! I was going to do a Say-it Sunday post about it but everytime I tried.... the words just wouldn't come so I decided to try writing it down.
Many years ago, before Hannah came into my life, I looked on the Internet for a support group of women who were over the age of 35 (gulp!) and trying to conceive.... in other words...people in the same boat I was. I was looking for support and friendship during a real tough time in my life.... I had just lost the only baby that Gary and I had conceived in 13 years and we were adamant about trying again. I came across a place called IVillage and joined a group there. The women were amazing and so full of knowledge on the subject of fertility. Did you know that eating baby carrots can help your mucus? And so can Tussin. And if you don't have luck with that..... you can try plain old egg whites. Just shoot them up there and get the party started. With their help and knowledge, my cycles started to make sense. I understood why things were happening and what to do about them. It's hard to admit that I was 35 years old and didn't know a big heck of alot about my own cycles.
It was months and years of riding a rollercoaster of life. All the ups and downs of trying to conceive were out there for everyone to read. We posted our most intimate details of EVERYTHING happening in our lives, jobs and families and we became very close. Once in awhile one of the women would be successful... having the thrill of announcing a positive pregnancy test or BFP(big fat positive). Those were always the bittersweet days. You'd be elated and thrilled for the happy woman but at the same time, licking your own wounds that were ripped open raw by the news. More often than not, that same woman would be back later for support.... having lost the pregnancy and knowing there were many kindred souls who would understand.
A few years ago, IVillage decided to change the format of the boards. It's hard to explain but suddenly, the whole safe world we were so used to for years was suddenly different. Posts looked different, the set-up of the board was difficult to maneuver around on. In a nutshell it totally sucked. Some ladies stopped posting on a regular basis because it was just too difficult to wait for pages to load if you were using dial-up and once you got the board open, there might not be anything new. It was the pits. I started up a new board at Network 54 and we all headed there. Things were back to normal and life was good again and that's where we've been since then. Many of those original women have had a child or two and some have not. Some have used IVF, IUI, adoption, donor eggs or surrogacy to achieve parenthood. It's truly an amazing group of friends. The board has morphed into a friendship board now but it's hard to forget what the original reason was we all came together.
The reason I explained all that was so that you could understand how excited I am to tell you that today I was able to meet three of my friends from that board in real life! It was incredible! We didn't do anything more than all get together for lunch but to be able to sit down with them and start talking about things was the strangest feeling. Truthfully, for me, it was like visiting with my sisters and I couldn't get over the comfort level I had with these women. Usually when I meet people for the first time my tongue gets all tied in knots and then my stomach gets all tied in knots. My anxiety starts to come alive and before I know it.... I'm having to excuse myself or have a full-blown panic attack right there. Today was so relaxing and pleasant. I was able to eat and swallow my food, talk to my friends, try to keep Hannah in line and enjoy myself.
All in all.... I'd say this was one of my best days!!