Friday, September 30, 2005

Nosejobs & Cartwheels

Here I am at my desk, wondering where this week swooshed off to. Wasn't it just Tuesday when I last glanced at the calendar? Just finished chatting with Dave and he says "Stop slacking... I want a new post!" Oh my God - the pressure of this blogging! Sometimes I feel that if something hilariously funny, exciting or death-defying doesn't happen.... who the heck wants to read about my boring life?

Ok - here goes. The single most frightening thing I heard today was this. Don't fall over when you read it..... there are only 86 f-ing days til until Christmas. That's 10 weekly paychecks or 5 for those of you bi-monthly paid. Or for those of us self-employed..... whatever we can scrape together in the next 3 months... or 86 f-ing days. Every other sentence Hannah is asking me... "Mom, is Santa listening now?" because she wants to announce another item to add to her list and wants to make sure he hears her. Sometimes, I just cock my head off to the side like I'm listening for him and say to her..."No, Hannah. I'm sorry, he's not here right now". I guess this won't win me any Mother of the Year Awards.

I watched Dirty Dancing for the 1, 752nd time last night and I sat there glued to the screen AGAIN. What is it about this movie that enthralls me so much? I'm not sure if it's the music ( love it!), the dancing (love it too!), the sense of family, the cool resort, or Patrick Swayze. I think it's a combination of all of it. I honestly can't think of one thing I don't like about the movie. The only thing that makes me sad is Jennifer Grey thinking she had to get a nose job. Both of these pictures are Jennifer Grey and I ask you... which one looks like the real Frances 'Baby' Houseman?

Back to the dancing in this movie. They make it look so easy! I guess when I watch people dancing, it looks so fluid and simple. An expression of feeling. I get up to try and move fluidly and expressively. Have you ever seen a fullbodied dry-heave in motion? Yup - that's me. If you add to that mixture, my husband and his knee jerk movements... we are a regular laugh fest in the making. Now, if we've been drinking and try to dance.... look out. Flashdance here we come. Not to mention that neither of us can move the next day, or the one after that either without mass dosages of Tylenol Arthritis. Nothing like throwing your back out in a drunken dance fever with hubby.

It reminds me of the time Hannah was trying to do a cartwheel on the front lawn. "Watch me, Mom!" she screams to me and then does this side flip thingy that might resemble a half-ass cartwheel. "Hannah oh no - look at this! Let me show you how to do one!" I shout out (hoping Gary will hear me and come running to watch his wife do a graceful cartwheel). Now, remember I haven't done a cartwheel since 1980 at least... but how hard can it be? Isn't it like riding a bike... you just don't forget? I raise my hands up in the air, lift my left leg a little, toe pointing out just so and bring my hands down to the ground and push off with my feet and then proceed to drive my face right into the ground as my wrist, elbows and arms revolt at this unfamiliar movement and weight being forced upon them. Gary had come around the corner of the house to watch and he begins to laugh so hard he can hardly stand up. The man has tears streaming down his face from laughing. I'm whimpering on the ground, praying that I didn't break anything. Hannah runs over to me, kneels down and says "Come on, Mom -admit it! You know mine was better than that!"


Sue said...

lololololol, i can't stop laughing at your cartwheel. I have often wanted to try one to see if I could still do it, but the thought of driving my face into the ground always keeps me from trying. Thanks for being brave!

Melody said...

I'm glad that I now know that cartwheeld are NOT like riding a bike...thanks to your bravery I will not have to find out for myself. I feel the same as you do about dirty dancing...there is absolutely nothing that I don't like about it...watching it always makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Oh yeah...and thank so much for bring on the PANIC ATTACK over christmas being so fucking close...I am not ready to start thinking about. STRESS@)($&(!^##$$#@!&*%!@&$)#*&^
Thanks alot. LOL

Lauren said...

ROFLMAO... Sheri, you have such a knack for telling funny stories. You turn a phrase so well that I can just picture everything you describe.

On the Jennifer Gray thing... you know she only worked a couple of times after Dirty Dancing because she was so identified with "Baby"? The poor woman had to change careers! I think the nose job was a desperate attempt to extricate herself from the Baby Houseman stereotype. Hollywood -- fickle bunch.

Still laughing!


Julie said...

Sheri this was too damned funny. The dirty dancing thing is in all of us I think. None of us know why we watch it glued to the set for the 2,000 time but we do it anyway.
The cartwheel thing is so close to my heart right now. I'm up for a job coaching the basketball cheerleaders this fall/winter and if I get that job I fear that I will make a complete fool of myself when I attempt to demonstrate some of those stunts, and YES, cartwheels are one of them. If I make it through the season unscathed it will be a miracle. And of course my daughter will be there on that squad to laugh at me more than the rest will.
Love the post and look forward to reading more

. said...

So many things I want to comment on. CHRISTMAS...OMG! THANKFULLY last year my son realized the TRUTH about Santa so now I can say "Santa" is B-R-O-K-E!

Dirty Dancing for was definitely Patrick! Yum..

. said...

Oh and dancing...I feel the same way. ALL GAY MEN CAN DANCE...right? Wrong. I missed that part of the gay gene. I feel like a fish out of water on the dance floor. very...ummm jerky.

3outta5 said...

Oh man Sheri. You just SHUT UP ABOUT CHRISTMAS, alright? Or someone is going to have to get HURT!!!! lol (sorta!)

About your previous post -- man, that is ME with projects. Go out, spend a gazillion dollars, all excited, then shove it in a bag in the back of the closet! LOL

LOVE Dirty Dancing. One of my ALL TIME FAVORITE movies.... I remember the first time I saw it -- I was, I think, 16 or so, and thought Patrick Swayze was about the hottest thing I had ever laid eyes on!!

And furthermore, if it makes you feel ANY better, I've NEVER been able to do a single cartwheel in my ENTIRE life. So you're at least one up on me there! ;-)

Chicka said...

Sheri, the Fat Bastard will be lucky to make an appearance for christmas this year. I think the kids are figuring him out. In fact, I think the 8 year old knows already (she's very bright) and just doesn't want to admit it, because admitting it would mean 1) giving up the magic and 2) not getting all those neat presents. And Santa is broker and broker every year (it is TO a word!).

And as for the dry heave dancing with tons of Tylenol Arthritis? Honey, there ain't enough Skelaxin in the world to get me to do more than a slumpy mambo around here (usually with my kidlins).

Any dirty dancing in my house means there's unwashed bodies waiting to use the toilet at the same time.

Heather said...

I'm sorry but I'm laughing too :). I would totally fall on my ass trying to do a cartwheel. Brave women!!!

And J. Grey does look weird with the new nose.

Larry said...

I used to be able to put my foot behind my head. a while back I tried it and almost broke my neck :)

Kerry said...

OMG, Sheri, you had me in tears with that cartwheel description. Alyssa just started gymnastics class at a new gym on Saturday and it made me lonely for my athletic days. I was thinking of joining the adult class in the evenings, but I think your cartwheel saga may have cured me of that. I was literally sitting here laughing with tears streaming down my face. Must have looked a little like Gary. Thanks for the laugh!!


Shiela said...

You know you kill me, right?? I LOVE to read your blog!!!! I recommed it to so many of my friends! You're the best!

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Jennifer Gray was going to star in a soap opera about an actress who had a nosejob to get more work, and then couldn't get any.

That's no word of a lie.