Memorial Day

Remembering those who have served and those who are serving our country. Both of my grandfather's served in WWII on board ships in the Navy. Young and full of piss n' vinegar, they proudly wore those Navy stripes and did their time for America. I remember my Grumpy telling me how he used to lay in the sun on the flightdeck. "Ten minutes on the front, ten minutes on the back...the best damn tan I ever had" is what he said. He was a gunner's mate... responsible for loading the big guns. He told me it was hard to be down below hearing the explosions and fighting go on above wondering if he was going to be blown to smithereens at any second.

Our generations are so much more tolerant of others, but both of my grandfather's were very bitter towards the Japanese. Not that they were the only ones we fought against in WWII, but they were the ones "who started it". To me, it doesn't matter who started it. Many sons, husbands, brothers and fathers were lost all over the world. A foreign mother, wife, sister, or daughter would mourn a loss and grieve just as strongly as an American. War is not pretty. Terrible things happen to all involved.... whether it's us doing it or having it done to us.

Lighting a candle and remembering them, all over the world, on this day.

The Emotional Bank Account

Many years ago, when I was working outside the home for the local cable company, we did an inhouse study program of Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People . Truthfully, I couldn't stand the course. Not because I didn't want to be more effective..... I just hated doing that type of seminar thing at work. We did the typical scenario simulations of having a big empty jar surrounded by rocks of various sizes. The biggest rocks represented family, faith, health and home, while the smaller ones were one's job, hobbies, civic commitments and daily stresses. Someone had to take the jar (representing one's life) and fit all the rocks in it. Of course, the person always just randomly starting shoving the rocks all mish-mash into the jar, in no particular order and they wouldn't all fit. However, (and here's the clincher) if you put the big rocks in first (representing taking care of the important things first) the other small stuff will just flow around it and all fit perfectly. Try it, it works.

The other topic we covered that has always stuck with me was the emotional bank account. Everyone has this account but they might call it something else. If you think of your relationships with others as a 'bank account' for emotions, it's easy to forgive and forget. Say for instance, you have a friend who is a good listener... funny and warm. You enjoy spending time with this person and they in turn you. Every time this friend greets you with a smiley hello, makes you feel good, listens to you or does something nice for you ... a little deposit is put in the 'bank'. Over time, the total amount of deposit gets bigger and bigger in each other's account. One day, this friend bites your head off for something. Oops! Out comes a withdrawal from that account. You momentarily feel slighted but shake it off because that friend has built up such an account with you, the withdrawal doesn't really affect the whole balance. It's not the accustomed way this friend treats you and vise versa.On the other hand, if you know someone who usually is making withdrawal after withdrawal, you just don't want to be around them anymore or it's not worth the effort. They have drained the emotional account dry and there's nothing left. Does this make sense?

I've tried to use this bank account philosophy when dealing with my husband. He can be a real asshole bankrobber at times. Oh Lord can he make some HUGE withdrawals. However, he also makes big and little deposits all the time. Most of the times, others don't see or hear these deposits, so some might think I get the short end of the stick. My husband has always told me I'm beautiful, no matter what type of freak I happen to look like at the moment. He's never told me I need to lose a few pounds, even though I know I need to (alot!). When he speaks about me to others, it's with kindness and pride. He'll wink at me, rub my back, ask me if he can make me a cock-in-the-tail (his word for a cocktail), make sexuual innuendos towards me and just is fun to be around. He brings me these God awful gifts sometime, but I try to remember it's the thought that counts and his heart IS in the right place. I remember one time he bought me a dumpcart for the riding tractor. He was so proud and I was pissed. I think I hurt his feelings yelling about what a waste of money blah blah blah. However, over the years, I can't tell you how many times that cart has saved our backs, loaded with brush, wood, sand, mulch..... The kids love it because we can pull them around the house and woods in it. It's one of our most cherished yard thingys. Everytime I say "I am so glad we have this cart" he'll look at me and smile...kaching...deposit made.

Okay, so I did come away from that class with a little something after all.

This is so pretty!

I know the site is in Dutch, but it says (thanks OScientist!) "Find the differences in the 2 photos". I was truly astounded to see the actual 2 photos morph into a 3rd. And my goodness the music is so pretty in the background too, so make sure your speakers are on.

Amazing! Where do people find this stuff?
Click Here to see!

oooooooo I love these Q&A thingys!

Oh vay! I was blog tagged by Charlie to answer some questions. Never been tagged before, so I'll give it a go and then pass the torch to 3 of my readers to blog their answers. So, without further ado...

3 names I go by:
Mom
Sheri
Honey (from hubby - how original!)

3 Screen-names I've had:
nickelchair
deerledge - that's it - only ever had 2

3 physical things I like about myself:
My wrinkling old hands
My feet
My hair

3 physical things I dislike about myself:
My legs.....blech
My freckles
This one whisker that keeps sprouting from my left cheek..... WTF????

3 parts of my heritage:
Swedish
Russian
German

3 things I am wearing right now:
The world's most incomfortable underwear - rider uppers
yoga pants (but I don't do yoga - yet)
Linzi hairclip

3 favorite bands / musical artists:
Bob Segar
Van Morrison
Allison Kraus

3 (of many) favorite songs:
The Lucky One (Allison Kraus)
These Are the Days (Van Morrison)
Calling All Angels (Jane Siberry)

3 things I want in a relationship:
(I'm assuming love is a given)
Honesty
Passion - my husband calls this 'marital extrees' in this wierd voice
Laughter

3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to me:
A kind smile
Happy eyes
A genuine laugh

3 of my favorite hobbies:
Reading
Painting
Listening to music - wow do I sound boring or what?

3 things I want to do really badly right now:
Lose 50 lbs
Take a Rolaid
Go to bed

3 things that scare me:
Losing my daughter
Going broke
Having the well go dry

3 of my everyday essentials:
A hug from my hubby & daughter
An Immodium
Some music

3 careers you have considered or are considering:
teaching
flower delivery person (who isn't glad to see them?)
writer (in my wildest dreams)

3 places you want to go on vacation:
Southern Texas - love that Padre Island
Arizona
San Diego

3 kids' names you like:
(beside's my daughter's)

Gretchen
Laura
Baron

3 things you want to do before you die:
Travel around the United States in a motorhome
Meet my grandchildren and great grandchildren
Have normal bowels

3 ways I am stereotypically a boy:
I love to catch a big fish
I like to get my hands in dirt
I like football (Go Pats!)

3 ways I am stereotypically a girl:
I hate to touch a fish
I hate dirt under my fingernails
I can wipe my butt to leave no skids - what is this with guys anyway????

3 celeb crushes:
Ed Harris
Sean Connery
Sam Elliott - my God - how old am I?

So, there you have it my readers. All these wonderful things you didn't know about little ol' me. Now, I've done three rounds of rock, paper, scissors, and two rounds of one potato, two potato to find who the next victims are. The envelope please.......

Kim! Take a bow! Bravo!

Melody! Come on down!

Heather! Is she in the audience? There she is!

Make us proud ladies!

Oh my! I have been remiss in posting and I apologize. Sometimes the days just get away from me. Well, if you must know the truth... it is Boringville here. One dreary, rainy day after another. It had been raining for so long. My lawn is 4 ft tall of thick, lush green grass and *%^&!#@ dandelions. However I am happy to report that my flock of finches have returned as well as the elusive Baltimore oriole.

Last night, we watched the season finale of HBO's Deadwood which I happen to think is a great show. It's a little raunchy as far as language goes but the story line is great and the acting is superb (can you say Emmy's for all!). I really think HBO is the king of the series shows. With Sopranos, Sex in the City and Six Feet Under, they have a goldmine going. I read that Deadwood is signed up for a 3rd season and I couldn't be happier about that!

In searching round the internet looking for something I came upon this. Quite a sight huh? It really made me chuckle because I wish someone would have told him that he should've worn the polka dot one instead of the black & white checkerboard pattern.

My happiest day

"V can't find a ride to the courthouse". My heart sunk as I heard these words over the phone from C, our caseworker. We had a 9am appointment at court with V to finalize the adoption. Was this a way for her to back out? "There's no way someone from here could go get her and be back at the court by 9" said C. I thought a moment. "Could you have her call me?" I asked. "We'd be happy to pick her up and bring her back" I said through clenched teeth. Nothing but the fires of hell were going to keep me from missing that court date today. I had waited too long and worked too hard for this. "Let me see if she'll do that" C replied and we hung up. A few minutes later, V called me. "Gary and I will be there in about 45 minutes. Can you be ready?" I tentatively asked her. "Oh sure" she said "Thank you so much for offering to give me a ride up there!"

She was ready and waiting and all smiles when we picked her up. She got into the back seat with Hannah and we started off. Gary and I tried to make small talk with her but she is a very, quiet girl. She answered our questions with yes or no but didn't offer any more information. She didn't ask us anything. Every time I looked back at Hannah, she was staring at V with her big eyes, sucking on her fingers and clutching her white one (her blanket). I so badly wanted to talk, with Gary, about what was going to happen at court but felt I couldn't with V right there. I was so glad when the trip was over.

At court, we waited outside the chamber while V was in there. She was there to terminate her parental right to Hannah and I guess the judge was also reading over the agreement we had drawn up with C, the birthfather. Suddenly, the door opened and the court clerk came out. "Judge M. has denied today's procedure due to the wording on this document. He will not sign on anything stating it's an 'order' when it is not. It's a 'gentleman's agreement' and no more." I burst out crying. Our attorney said, "Can he give me 10 minutes to straighten this out?" He agreed. "This is good" said J, our attorney, putting her arm around my shoulder. "We want it to be an agreement. Maine doesn't recognize open adoption orders. Let me call my office and this will be ok". I don't know what she did or how she did it, but within 10 minutes, she had a new agreement drawn up and signed by C's attorney and back in Judge M's hands. "You may come in now" said the clerk.

We walked in, Hannah in tow, and I was shaking like a leaf and felt I had a huge pit in my stomach. I didn't know what to expect and all I knew was the luck we had so far with this adoption. A very stern looking man was sitting at a huge dark, desk studying the papers in front of him. The ceilings were very high with floor to ceiling windows and a large American flag was on a pole in the corner. It was very quiet. The clerk gestured that Gary, Hannah and I sit at the large table facing the judge. After Hannah just spent 2 hours in a carseat and another hour waiting outside on a bench, she wanted nothing to do with sitting. "Oh please, dear God," I prayed "please don't let Hannah have a fit in front of this judge when I'm supposed to be portraying that I'm a mother in control of this when all I want to do is faint. Thank you so much God". He didn't listen and I struggled with her to keep her from becoming totally unglued. I did the utmost bad-mommy thing. I bribed her. "Please Hannah," I begged "just a few more minutes and then I will buy you a new stuffed doggy!" "Ok Mommy" she said and proceeded to draw her brow in a frown, to put both elbows on the table, hands together, her chin resting on her hands and fingers drumming impatiently on the sides of her face. At this moment, Judge M looked up and at her and his whole face literally lit up with an inner chuckle. I shit you not. He went from this stern, frightening looking guy to a man with a smile of a 1000 suns. I knew it would be ok. He said something along these lines... "Mr. and Mrs. L and Hannah" he said "I would like to thank you for coming here today and permitting me to do the most wonderful job a judge can do...make a family truly happy. I have spoken with V who has signed the proper paperwork and has conveyed to me the utmost reassurance that placing her daughter in your home was her decision and she is at peace with that decision. I commend her for being mature and knowing what is in her child's best interest. It is with great honor and pleasure for me to make legal what you have always known in your hearts to be true. Congratulations!"

It truly was one of the happiest moments of my life. Even though in the picture I look like I'm caught in the headlights. And doesn't the judge have a great smile?

Dirt Baby & the Piano Man

A note came home from school a few weeks ago asking for each child to send in a Gatorade bottle, 2 buttons, a sock and a piece of material cut into a kimono dress. The note further stated that the children would be learning about growth and nutrients and to do this they would be constructing the Dirt Baby (!). Hannah picked out some cute bunny material from my mothers endless stash (thanks to her obsession with quilting) and brought it and the other requests to school. Yesterday she brought home the Dirt Baby (!). Pretty cool huh? The toe of the sock was stuffed with grass seed, then soil, knotted and stuck in the bottle. When water was put in the bottle, the sock acted as a wick to draw the water to the head, thus sprouting the grass seed. I laugh every time I look at this thing. It's got a scary, freaky, cute kind of look to it. It's on my desk staring at me now. My only question is... who thinks up these things?

On another note, I heard the sad story of the piano man on the news today. It seems this lost man was found in England (washed up on shore?), wearing a tuxedo with the tags cut out of it. Attempts to communicate with him were futile. He drew (very well too) a picture of a grand piano and one was provided to him. He begins to play the same songs over and over. No one claims the man, he doesn't speak. How sad it is to me to think that no one in the world has missed this man. Where did he come from? Who is he? When will someone come forward that at least knows who he is and can solve this mystery? Speculations are that he fell off a cruise ship. If this is true, why hasn't he been claimed? Another thought is he is faking. He has an album coming out and this is his way of publicity. I'm not sure what I believe but I am very intrigued by this.

But I like it well-done!

Gary wanted me to post this picture to see how many of you would actually eat a steak cooked like this. Believe it or not, this is how I like my steak. Gary likes to say if you get his to the vets, it could be saved. I say... to each his own and why do I have to take a bunch of flack because I like it this way? He told me to strap a buckle on it and wear it on my foot as a leather sandal. Nice...real nice.

Is it time to eat yet?

Do you eat to live or live to eat?

That is the question my dad used to ask us. Well, dad, it depends on what I'm eating. If it's a giant bowl of pasta with butter and salt, a cold spaghetti sandwich, or a big helping of tuna casserole you can bet your ass I am living to eat. If it's a piece of sushi, an apple, granola or some yogurt... I guess at that point I am eating to live and mighty grouchily, I might add.

Do you eat when you're hungry or because the clock says it's 'time' to eat?

Here's another kicker. I was raised to eat what was put in front of me, no matter what time it was. So, if you put food in front of me after I've just eaten, chances are, I probably could force myself to eat that too. I am trying so hard not to do this to Hannah. If we are eating and she says she's full, it's ok. I don't tell her she has to finish what's on her plate. I want her to listen to what her body says.

What would you like to change about the way you eat?

I would like to be able to eat only when my stomach tells me to. Not because I have to feed other people. I would like to be able to fix Hannah something to eat and not worry about what others think if I am not eating. We all don't have to be hungry at the same time do we? I would prefer to eat smaller portions more times throughout the day, with the majority of my food coming in the morning. Big breakfast, semi-big lunch and a very light dinner. Unfortunately, this is flip-flopped from the rest of my family's thinking. sigh

Dandelions in the Wind

Today was an overcast day. We (as in Hannah & I) tried to sleep in but Gary called from Connecticut for a phone number at 7am. "Thank you so much dear for the one day a week that I can sleep in. Thank you for calling me and waking me up from a sound sleep. amen".

We dragged ourselves from bed, threw on some clothes and decided to go to breakfast and the Dollar Store. Hannah and I are Dollar Store freaks. We love it. I know some of the stuff is junk, but sometimes I can find some really neat stuff. Today I bought a big bottle of Purel Hand Sanitizer for $1. I also got a great tablecloth and those weighted thingys that hold it down in the wind.... for a buck! I always come home from that place just beaming at all the cool stuff I bought.

After getting home and unpacking the loot, we decided to go outside and work in the yard for a bit. Now, here in Maine it may be the middle of May but we still haven't been blessed with any warm weather yet. That has not, I repeat, has not stopped the lawn from growing like crazy. When the lawn grows like crazy, so do the dandelions and I begin to go nuts. I hate dandelions but having a child.....well... you have to learn to like them because kids love to pick flowers and present them to MOMMY. Big, giant bouquets of dandelions with that sticky, white, milky fluid coming out the bottom of them. The ones that don't get picked turn to fun little balls of seeds that kids love to blow on. This picture was taken when Hannah was two and hell bent on getting to the dandelions. I love the way her face looks and the wind is blowing her messy hair. We used to think it was so cute when she'd pick a flower and scream "watch momma!! watch daddy!! I blow danda-yions!" Of course we encouraged her to do this but now we are reaping the benefits of all that cuteness. A fine carpet of yellow is now the crowning glory of our yard. Today, I took my handy dandy digger and removed the worst of them and the rest got mowed down.

I am so honored!

Happy 1st Blogging Anniversary to Me! I can't believe I had 55 visitors to my blog yesterday! Wow! (why do I like using exclamation points (!) so much?!) This is something for the records for me. I wish I had more people commenting or giving their opinion on what I have to say (as minimal as that is!) However, now that I have that many people coming to my site, I would love to know more about YOU! Here's some questions and I would be thrilled to have some answers.

1. How did you find my blog?

2. Do you comment? If not, why?

3. What do you wish I would shut up about?

4. What do you want to know more about?

5. What one question would you like me to answer?

6. Where are you from?

7. Do you have a blog? If so, plug it here!

I can't wait to read your responses! There I go with that exclamation point again!! I . CAN'T. STOP!!!!!

Stylin' with new wheels

I hate to keep a big surprise from you all out there but here is a picture of my new wheels! Well, new to me anyway. A 2001 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo with only 44K miles on it. Just broken in! I did love my Town & Country, but it was getting worn out. With the new pop-up and all, I wanted something that would tow it easily and be 4WD in the winter.

On another note, I am making a conscious effort to not watch the news right now. Between murders, fires, car accidents and such... it is too much. Yesterday, I received a call from the principal at the school. A little boy was scared to come to school because a couple children had told him they were going to kill him for not playing army game with them. WTF??? It seems my daughter's name was brought up, the mother of the little boy notified the cops and the superintendent. The principal spoke to our daughter who had no clue what the boy was talking about. G & I went to the school and signed H out for the rest of the day so we could talk to her.

I'm not sure where I am going with this but I think it was blown out of proportion somewhat. I do understand a parent's concern but I think in this situation, just talking to the principal and handling it within the school would have been fine. Involving the cops? Not necessary in my opinion. We talked with Hannah quite extensively throughout the day. She never wavered in her story and I believe her. She held constant eye contact with us while talking which is important when telling the truth. When I was little, my parents used to tell me that they could tell when I was lying because LIAR was written on my forehead. Of course, not being able to see my own forehead when speaking, I had to tell the truth because that flashing, neon word LIAR would appear and rat me out. I guess this is what I am in for now that my little girl is growing up. A world of accusations, lies and deceit. Maybe not from my own but around her, swirling like a storm that I don't want her part of. I can't protect her from everything but I can teach her to always tell the truth and I hope we can do that. From what I saw yesterday....we are well on our way.

Not a Mr. Nice Guy post

When I was a little girl, we played outside all the time. We rode our bikes down a seldom used dirt road next to our house. We were never frightened of someone stealing us. We were scared of an abandoned old house we had to ride by. We always stopped before the house and played a few hands of one potato, two potato.....to see who had to ride by it first. We played kick the can, went ice skating, played hide-n-seek and tag. We built forts and treehouses from scraps of wood (my dad was a carpenter) and were allowed to use hammers and nails. We rode in the back of a pick-up truck, never wore seat belts and our parents smoked cigarettes around us. What changed the world as I knew it? The story in the news about the two girls from Illinois just sickens me. Absolutely makes me want to puke. Why, why would someone do that to those girls? Two innocent little girls, best friends, riding their bikes, on their way home. It totally boggles my mind. In this world we live in, I hear so many horrible things happening everyday that it almost hardens me against emotion. However, this story made me weep. What's even sadder to me is if it is true and turns out to be the father of one of them and that a parent could even do that. What made me think about this was last night I was watching the show Medium . I normally enjoy this show because I find the supernatural fascinating. However, last night's show was too gruesome for me to really watch. I know the show is based on real life cases but some of them, I don't think need to be retold. This story was of a doctor who heard voices telling him to murder and disembowel young girls while they were in his care at the doctor's office. Of course, they had to show this scene and also show the parent at the doctor's with the child, in a dimension of panic and grief that no human should ever have to withstand. I couldn't watch. But at the same time....I didn't feel anything. I actually had to think about how I should feel. Is this from being exposed to this type of thing too often? Or am I just strange?

Need I Say More?

As I sit here typing this, G is on the phone sounding worse than a gossiping old hen. I can't believe this. He's talking to another fishermen, giving his 2 cents, along with their 14 cents, by God, they've solved the world's problems. If I am ever on the phone that long, he's hounding me to hang the thing up. He's hanging up now, the phone has practically melted to the side of his head and he's dialing the next victim as I type. Sometimes I feel like handing him his cell phone and saying "Here dear, this fell off the side of your head".

If I say to G, "Honey, let's talk about us and our dreams and goals for our future" he gets a glazed look over him, a thin string of drool starts out of the corner of his mouth and I commence to speak in the language that men hear as blah, blah, blah. Come on ladies, don't lie....ALL of our husbands hear this at one time or another. However, if I say "Honey, let's talk about different types of lures to use on a cloudy day when the fish are suspended in 12' of water off a point". He grabs his GPS. Charts, rulers, maps and pencils starting falling out of his butt, he gazes intently at me and says "yes, let's do that!"

Today was Mother's Day. My daughter, Hannah had given me the most adorable card she had made in school (I had posted a picture of it earlier). Plus they woke me up this morning and wanted to take me to breakfast. We ate at our normal Sunday a.m place. This is a local business that brings you the breakfast but you are expected to picked up your dishes after and put them in the 'dish bucket'. After our breakfast, G& H both got up and walked away. I sat there with my jaw hanging open wondering why this was different than any other day at home???

On a more serious note, today I thought about V, our daughter's first mom. I've wondered every year since Hannah came to us, how she might feel on this day. Is she sad? Is she happy? Is she content? The first few years of Hannah's life, we kept in contact but it has drifted to nil. Even V's mom used to send Christmas cards and birthday cards, but even those have stopped. I wonder if someday Hannah will really want to know about her. I have a lot of information to share when Hannah' is ready, including pictures. Hannah looks so much like her, it's scary. The beautiful eyebrows (Brooke Shields eat you heart out!), the eyes and smile. Someday Hannah might be happy to know that she does look like someone....even if it does make me sad in a certain way. I've often wondered what an child of G& mine would look like. I wonder if V might ever have more children and Hannah will have half-siblings. That, someday, would be a wonderful thing for her. I hope that Gary and I can raise Hannah with a positive feeling about her adoption so she can accept the situations the future might bring regarding that.

I love it!

Doing a happy dance here. I think the new look is great! Please, give me some feedback on what you think. Are the colors ok? Can you read everything alright? Any suggestions?

Many, many thanks to Marie for all her hard work (insert clapping & whistling crowd here). What a sweetie. I feel so very special!

This Says It All

I didn't have to give birth to become a mother. My daughter doesn't share my or Gary's genes, DNA, freckles, hair texture, or bone structure. But her mannerisms, speech & voice tones, facial expressions, attittude (whew! what attitude!), gestures and habits are just like her dad's and mine. Sometimes I call her little Gary and she glares at me. ahhh just like her dad.

No, I didn't become a mother by giving birth.... raising my daughter taught me to be one.

I might be getting a new look!

Marie, she's a self-proclaimed template ho, and has offered to make me a template for my very own! woo hoo. I've given her a picture, some color ideas, columns etc and she's going to work something up for me. What a generous person she is!

I put my Unkymood as Headachey today. I can't shake this headache that has been there since about a week after I started weaning off my meds. Maybe that has something to do with it? I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to ask her.

Happy Cinco de Mayo day. Mom made tacos for supper and flan for dessert. It was good. Hannah hated the flan and had no qualms about saying so. kids.....

Sandra got the camera I sent her and I hope to see some fabulous beach shots of Padre up on her site soon.

We are not going camping this weekend after all. The slimy buttcrack weatherman has again said we are in for 2, maybe 3 (feel the joy!) inches of rain on Saturday and Sunday. Ok, I am not going to let this get me down. I will get to use my new camper soon, I promise. Plus, I will have a fabulous post about it! I bet you, dear readers, can't wait.

That's about it for tonight. I've got to go lay down and try to get rid of this headache.

Am I Smarter?

Am author of a blog I read, G. Dawney discussed being smarter as we get older. She mentioned the Vietnam Vet who spit on Jane Fonda and how this man was so bitter about what Jane had done many years ago. On one hand I can see why he would be so very upset but on the other hand, maybe she really is very sorry for what she did. How many of us have done or said things when we were younger that if only Father Time would allow, we'd change? I, myself, have some I can think of and would change. Maybe my life would have turned out differently, maybe not. My friend, M and my treatment of her is the first thing I would change. I've always felt I let her down back by not keeping in touch for many years. I have no excuse and to me, it always looms like a white elephant in the room that I can't talk about. She and I were inseparable for so many years and I can't believe I just walked away from that. I hope she forgives me.